Ev mon imparts his knowledge unto my short story.

"Yes, we know it’s you, Sir, what will you have us do next, Sir?"
your main character needs to acknowledge the wierdness of this
and speculate

it will heighten the stakes
make it real

knocking the door down makes your guy seem alittle nuts.... maybe just have it crack open
he may be nuts but he's not prone to becoming angrily unhinged you know
Isaac Sung Eo
well, the thing about that, is it's not literal. there's a narrator unreliability, because we know the narrator's already delusional and schizophrenic. what could have been him having the keys all along to open and walk right through the door, may have been painted as much more of struggle by the unreliable narrator?
get my drift?

but i do appreciate that, i think i may have to spruce up the narration a little bit better

well it stood out to me because at that point i dont really preceive the narrator to be losing it

he seems pretty balance
Isaac Sung Eo
right right
but that's the thing...how do i not give him away as a lunatic too early in the story, which is what keeps things interesting?
Everett Phillips
if you sprinkled in some instances where the reader could question the narrators sanity in the beginning and middle, the ending would be much more powerful
i think

Everett Phillips
yea
but tension between real and unreal, sanity and insanity needs to lead to a cresendo
building
Isaac Sung Eo
hmm,
like Edgar Allen Poe style
Everett Phillips
i mean, its a tough thing to do
yea
fight club, etc
subtle but still there
now i think you have done that
Isaac Sung Eo
i thought i was doing that earlier
it's REALLY subtle
Everett Phillips
theres definitely magic realism going on
I
saac Sung Eo
the details of him "feeling besides himself"
when Frank let us off on a "predetermined stop"
and when the narrator continues to remark on the dream like quality of his interview with Frank
Everett Phillips
yea
that is good
the complete descent to unreality just seems sudden i think
to me
questions: where does he get his apochrypal contacts?
Isaac Sung Eo
like the eeriness of him sticking with him all the way through one train transfer, one bus transfer and finally skating with him.
is like he was literally "stuck on him"
Everett Phillips
maybe you should have the narrator asking hiimself questions

Everett Phillips
i think you do that alreayd, but maybe more
i can see what youre saying but i kinda just thought of frank as a cool dude
not necessarily an alter ego
Isaac Sung Eo
hahaha
Everett Phillips
ha
Isaac Sung Eo
well,wasn't brad pitt really cool,selling his soap?
Everett Phillips
maybe they need to connect... through an object or action
Isaac Sung Eo
and talking about the corrupt materialistic society
Everett Phillips
when does ed norton finally realize about brad pitt anyway
Isaac Sung Eo
not until the WAYYYY end, which was why it was kind of like a mindfuck
Isaac Sung Eo
where women sell their fat back to the cosmetics industry
or buy their fat back from the cosmetic industries
hahaha
in the form of soap
Everett Phillips
so he thinks franks phone is his phone?

Everett Phillips
whos phone does he use to call the woman?
Isaac Sung Eo
right
frank's phone is his phone, because the numbers on there were "apocryphal" to his real identity
Everett Phillips
i really think the last two paragraphs could use some internal dialogue of the narrator
questions
Isaac Sung Eo
oh, good one.
hmm, didn't catch that one
i think the rotary phone
Everett Phillips
trying to reason through the craziness will make it more crazy i think
Isaac Sung Eo
"hardmounted against the wall"
well, i don't want it to be explicit, like, "Oh, am I losing it?" because that's just a littlebit cheesy, IMO
knowhatmean
Everett Phillips
yea.... then break out those chops!
write it up!
you dont want to explain exactly what it is, youre right
Isaac Sung Eo
what do you mean? "break out the chops?
"
Everett Phillips
creative writing chops!
de cheesify
Isaac Sung Eo
that is a mighty task you're asking me to my friend
de cheesifying the dialogue
the dialogue in fight club is so cynical
Everett Phillips
i believe you haveenzymes for the task
Isaac Sung Eo
you want me to take on that same cynical quality in my own dialogue?
"we are the children of nobody."
Everett Phillips
no
Isaac Sung Eo
"just the middlemen of history"
Everett Phillips
really with the last two paragraphs its nothing that intense
Isaac Sung Eo
"waiting their tables"
"scrubbing their floors"
"we got no purpose"
Everett Phillips
i think it just needs to be extended
Isaac Sung Eo
"we're all told we'll be rockstars and athletes, but we won't"
Everett Phillips
more connection between events, the phone call, the sink, the hallway
Isaac Sung Eo
"we're all coming to realize that we won't, and we're very very pissed off"
Everett Phillips
then when he wakes up- the room the people, getting to the bathroom. Really mundane stuff kind of but will keep the reader in for the climax
Isaac Sung Eo
"number one rule of fight club is you do not talk about fight club"
"second rule of fight club is you do not talk about fight club"
"third rule of fight club is YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB"
"
"if you could fight anybody in history, who would it be"
Everett Phillips
Languidly as if they‘ve seen in all done before a handful of guys from the group were sent to the bathroom to lift me up
Isaac Sung Eo
"i'd fight abe lincoln."
"id fight mahotma ghandi"
"look at these ads glorifying and masturbating over the male image"
"is that what a man should look like?"
Everett Phillips
ok fight club jr
you go write your own story now
Isaac Sung Eo
"this evening i want you to pick a fight with a random stranger"
Everett Phillips
subtlety is good... but ultimately must be effective because if unnoticed and unfinished it is worthless!
make the palachinuk proud
bring it home and u got a winner son!
Isaac Sung Eo
haha, thanks
i'll take what you say to heart.
t-a few hours before i could run over to kinkos with a finished copy of the story to xerox
how much do they usually cost btw?
Everett Phillips
no idea
are pickles heathy
Isaac Sung Eo
??
yeah, of course. when consumed moderately
Everett Phillips
PICLKLES
Isaac Sung Eo
:-)
i wub you Ebett
Everett Phillips
me moo mee mo me    <----- BEST CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM EVaR!!!
Isaac Sung Eo
:-P
Chat Conversation End

What's wrong with entertainment?

A lot of motor-bicycling went down today.  Some 90 miles round trip have been ridden.  The absurdity of the feat compounded with every stipulations that were met.  The first was, as a recent compensation for my lack of transportation I decided a new bicycle must be in order which would assist going to and from the bus stops on the way to work.  This simple truth added upon the second stipulation of me deciding that I must go in the evening to Johnsburg, IL for this new bicycle--rather than playing it cool by waiting until the weekend to pick up the bike by Metra--was pretty much what had turned me onto making this rather erratic journey.  On the way there wasn't so bad.  The legs of each country highway stretch for some tiresomely long distances.  The generously spaced roadside on Gilmer let me sail smoothly for many miles.  Then all of a sudden, as customary in our northern hemisphere, the sunlight shuts itself off.  Here's the sundown I captured on Gilmer, as the cars whizzed passed me going around 50mph.
    


 

Earlier: 


Earlier still:


Sacked some snacks:


My arrival destination looked like this:


My new bike up close looked like this:


Basically, what I ended up doing was something only the sick-and-twisted can only think of doing.  Each wheel came off and placed alongside the frame-set all of which were stowed on top of the trailer, affixed in station by combination of tie downs, zip ties, and bungee cords.  All of this was a chore the seller willingly sat through and watched, offering some help when needed.  Okay, as for the journey back, I'll leave it up to the reader's imagination.  Scenario is that the sun had long ago set, and I had a good 45 miles of rural highway ahead of me.

Dykin' summer of Bikin'

There's more where this came from:

In its pedal state:

In its motor state:

I have yet to give it a name.  But since she's such an assertive bitch, I think I'll name her Brenda.  I know I haven't been consistent as far as updating my blog is concerned.  I can make retribution by assuring that not much had really occurred since the last time I updated.  Just a whole lot of holding things down, resuscitating life into this slow and stagnant bicycle hobby.  

Willow, my Vintage 1984 Stumpjumper, had jumped ship, when I had to part with her dissected parts through E-Bay.  Sad but change-of-heart I guess.  More suitable for motorization is my newer bike--the Schwinn Cruiser Seven.  Lower and more comfortable position.  So carelessly caring, Brenda is.  Give her a little love, and she'll give a lot back in return.  I hope she can be a formidable sidekick among others during my midlife crisis.